Fertility, Loss, and NET

NET is very personal work. It’s not like getting a basic eye exam, where a groupon might be good enough.

And with topics like fertility and loss, it’s extra personal.

So, for this topic, I decided to start with something that I don’t usually mention to strangers. It’s that I’m a mom. The picture on this blog post is of my belly cast (which I still can’t figure out what to do with!).

I realized that since losing my hair and growing a beard, there’s no reason to think that anyone would assume that I have a deep and personal understanding - and shared experience - of what’s it’s like to become pregnant, carry that child to term, and then live with all that comes after that as a mom!

If it’s relevant to your journey with me, then you can feel free to ask me anything about that. I just wanted to put that out there right up front.

When women struggle with fertility, there are so many factors that come into play. I’m not a medical doctor, so I’m not about to give anyone medical advice on this topic!

What I can speak to is the added stress and pressure that weighs on a body when a pregnancy doesn’t take, or when there are repeated losses. This is compounded when everything “looks good” from the medical side of the equation and there is “no reason” for why pregnancy isn’t happening.

Sometimes, there is the intuitive sense that stress will make it harder to become pregnant. This makes sense. After all, stress can disrupt the menstrual cycle, so why wouldn’t it potentially disrupt a pregnancy?

But what can you do about it?! “Trying not to be stressed about it” usually just makes you feel more stressed. And, thanks to past trauma and dysfunctional family relationships (and who doesn’t have past trauma and dysfunctional family relationships??) the body can harbor even more stress when it comes to fertility issues.

NET is one of the safest, gentlest, and fastest ways to get the body to settle down when it comes to persistent stress patterns.

Whether the stress “makes sense” (as with the fear or repeating the pain of a lost pregnancy) or whether it seems completely irrational (as with the fear that you will be a horrible mom and therefore don’t really deserve to have a kid), NET can help you to feel safe and grounded.

In my own case, I didn’t struggle with the initial fertility or pregnancy phase. My struggles and losses came with the circumstances around and after the birth itself. I went from fully intending to have a very natural home water birth with my midwife to ending up with an emergency c-section following an unsuccessful 36-hour labor.

To make matters worse, I was blindsided with a deep and dark postpartum depression that left me feeling disconnected from my child and from my own identity.

Even though I was already an NET practitioner, I couldn’t see out of my own pit and I couldn’t even muster the energy or courage to ask for help for myself. I’ll never forget the kindness and compassion of fellow NET doctor Helen Bae, who noticed that something was wrong while we were at a conference together. She helped me to feel safe enough to do NET with her right there.

Finally, I was able to crack some light into the darkness.

That NET treatment with Dr. Bae marked the beginning of my healing from the postpartum depression. I was also able to begin the process of reconnecting with myself.

So, what might the journey look for someone who is struggling with the stress around fertility issues?

Here’s an example. Shelly, age 37, came in to see me after suffering a series of miscarriages - always around the 10th week - for which her medical providers could find no cause. With each miscarriage, the stress and anxiety around pregnancy increased. Panic would set in as the 10th week approached, and she came to feel that she herself was sabotaging her own pregnancies.

She was seeing a therapist at the time, but nothing seemed to help the panic. She decided to try NET after being referred over by a friend who believed that NET was the thing that had helped her to finally become a mom. We approached the NET process from a strictly body-centric approach - not a psychological one. That is to say, we checked for tension, restriction, and dysfunctional reflexes on the areas of the body that would relate to fertility. This would include areas such as the low back, pelvis, uterine reflex points, etc. (NOTE: as a chiropractor, I only touch areas of the body that are within my scope. If there is a reflex point that needs to be addressed that is in a more intimate area, only the patient touches that area.) If an area of dysfunction is noted, then we use the NET protocol to see if there is an active emotional component to the problem, and then we’re off to the races.

In Shelly’s case, there were many emotional components that came up which were connected to many different physical restrictions! Over the course of her care, she did experience one more miscarriage (again, around week 10), but then - at last - she carried a pregnancy to term!

She did not need ongoing NET, as the underlying patterns - which were all related to past trauma, not current stress - had been corrected.

She now has 3 healthy kids, and did not suffer any more miscarriages following the birth of her first child.

Believe it or not, Shelly’s case is not all that unusual. The body has a natural wisdom. When it’s not doing something that should come very naturally - such as becoming pregnant - it means that the body thinks that it’s not safe or it’s not right. Its reasoning for this is usually illogical, which is what makes it so hard to uncover and correct!

That’s why NET is such a powerful tool: because NET does not rely on logic. It follows the body’s involuntary reactions to stress, which lead us down the path to the answer.

There are no guarantees in life, and no treatment is the silver bullet for everyone! But in any case where stress and anxiety are interfering with the body’s ability to heal and function, NET is absolutely worth a shot.

And that is all I have to say about that.

-DK